Sunday, February 12, 2012

Date Night

For Trifecta's special bonus weekend challenge, cleverly called "Trifextra," the prompt called for a love scene that does not use any of a list of 33 clichéd love story words, or any of their variations. I tried to write it without any of the words and was surprised to find when I double-checked, that "mind," "wine," and "hair" had still managed to sneak in there, so I had to reword them.

DATE NIGHT

He could feel drops of sweat rolling slowly down the small of his back, and he was sure he had lost at least some skin from his knees. The toes on his left foot were cramping, curling up into a claw that he couldn't straighten out no matter how he tried. Later, he would search frantically before finally finding his shirt under the recliner, and already the stain on the couch from the spilled glass of burgundy, and how he would try to remove it tomorrow, was lurking on the edge of his awareness.

But the sight of her long, dark curls spread across the white carpet filled him with joy. The quiet, empty house was all theirs, every room, table, chair, and stretch of floor they wanted to try was fair game. With nearly two hours left before he had to pick up the baby, remembering the glorious abandon of their youth, the simmering intensity of their ardor, was a treasure most precious.

7 comments:

barbara said...

babysitters rule! Thank goodness for them.

I love the attention to the cramped toes and skinned knees. Making love, while rewarding, brings its own brand of injury.

:)

Deus Ex Machina said...

Ding, ding, ding! Don't you love it? I met this scruffy, punk slacker boy in high school once. We dated for a while. It was nuts. Now we have 2 years until our kids move out. Shit's about to get CRAZY up in here! Sorry. The remembering your youth thing pushed a button ;-) You own your words, good sir. Oh, yes you do.

Jester Queen said...

My favorite part is where his cramping feet and worries about the spilled burgandy interweave with his present tense desire and seeing her hair.

The Mommy Patient said...

Okay. So I can see your date night was better than ours. :o)

I, Rodius said...

Thanks, y'all. This was a fun one.

karen said...

You speak the truth, this! I loved that period (okay we're still kind of in the middle of it, but they are small, not babies) when we had the minutes. Now at least we have a the night ... =)

Trifecta said...

Thanks so much for linking up this weekend. Remember, this weekend’s entries are being judged by the Trifecta community so make sure you visit the site to register your vote! Hope you can join us for Monday’s prompt!

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